Evacheska’s Journey Back to Self

Before this became my life's work, I walked a very different path.

By my early thirties, I had built everything I was told to want. I was a senior executive at a $750 million company, with a corner office in a Manhattan high-rise, regularly presenting to rooms of over 10,000 people. From the outside, I had arrived, and for a time, I really loved the shine of it.

But beneath all of it, something kept calling me. It had been calling for years, softly at first, and then too loudly to ignore. It was like a drumbeat above my head telling me I belonged elsewhere. Eventually I could no longer turn away, and I stepped out of the corporate world to answer what called.

What followed was the most difficult and most sacred stretch of my life. I thought I could keep one foot in each world, strategy in one and soul in the other, but I could not, and as I released the old life, everything came apart. I was stripped down to almost nothing: It was just me, and the call of my own soul.

Then came the dark night of the soul. But it wasn’t a single night, it was years of dark nights stacked together. I went looking for myself with everything I had. I practiced thousands of hours of meditation, tried different forms of therapy, somatic and parts work, entheogenic medicine, several stints of months at a time living in the Amazon jungle with indigenous teachers. I even got a degree in clinical psychology. All in the name of finding myself, of knowing my true self.

I died what felt like a million deaths, and each time I believed I had finally made it home, the ground opened beneath me again. Slowly, and the hard way, I came to see that the split I had been living, the executive in one room and the soul in another, was the very fragmentation I needed to heal. I had to make myself whole before I could ever help another soul do the same.

That long homecoming is what set me on this path. Throughout the start of my own healing journey, I noticed there was something missing in the space: Some practitioners only focused on traditional therapy, others on solely somatic work and the nervous system, others only on spirituality and metaphysical approaches, others offering only sound and energy healing, others only psychedelic medicine therapy, and some only integration … but in my own exploration and inner work, I didn’t come across a practitioner, or group of practitioners, that put it all together. Furthermore, everywhere I turned, I often came across a narrative that centered around the practitioner as the “healer”. This never resonated with me. I remember thinking to myself, “Aren’t we all healers, because we each are fully capable of, and responsible for, our own individual healing?”

As I continued down my own healing path, doing deep work traversing my inner landscape, practicing aligning my own psycho-spiritual work with somatic experiencing, trauma resolution, internal parts work, and energetic attunement, my desire to fill this white space grew.

Working with various psycho-and-somatic therapies, ancient practices, meditation, and entheogenic medicines, I was healing more and more pieces of myself, learning more and more about my true self, and gaining more and more clarity about what I wanted to create: A form of therapeutic mentorship in which people are empowered to do their own healing. Healing that takes place in safe, facilitated and guided containers, supported by a wide variety of modalities, approaches, wisdom, and tools. A space where people can learn and grow, and where those on their healing path can connect with others, and support each other, and engage in co-regulation — one of the most beautiful gifts of the human experience. I set out to become my whole self, and it continues to be a beautiful homecoming time and again.

Another piece of the inspiration for this work was my upbringing and my parents. Though I wasn’t aware of it while growing up, my upbringing was quite unique. I was raised by a mother and father who are, in their own right, quite prolific in the field of psychology, esoterics, psychedelic medicine, and metaphysics. I grew up in an environment in which the words consciousness and metacognition were regular fodder over dinner table conversation. I spent time with the likes of Dr. Leo Zeff (Uncle Leo, as I called him) and Ram Dass as a small girl, but of course had no idea at the time who they were. I simply thought mommy and daddy had interesting friends who talked to me like I was one of the grown-ups. I grew up observing my parents lead practitioner trainings in group therapy, and talk about various therapeutic approaches, from gestalt to rational emotive to art therapy, to name a few. My maternal grandfather, with whom I was very close, was closely involved in esoteric trainings and a follower of Indian philosopher, poet, and maharishi, Sri Aurobindo. To this day, this influences in my own interests and desires to understand the world in which we live (and beyond it).

Furthermore, as a child, I spent a great deal of time in indigenous First Nations communities in which my mother facilitated social care programs, practitioner trainings, and interdenominational consciousness trainings along with tribal leaders. Among these events was one I’ll never forget: The first days of a Sundance ceremony that was held in honor of children by a tribe experiencing a high infant (under age five) mortality rate. It was then I realized that what my “normal” peers were not getting access to with their “mainstream” upbringings was a level of consciousness in regard to all stages of life, including death, and that I had a desire to understand more — not just about the human life, but the life the self, the life of this planet, of the universe, and to connect in community with others who were exploring the same.

Spending so much time in community as a child instilled in me a desire to create something that wasn’t mine, but was ours. I always felt best when I was supporting others and helping them succeed. I knew from a very young age that when I grew up, that’s what I wanted to do … though at the time I didn’t know how it would come to life.

But it wasn’t until decades later, when I truly began to do my own healing work, heal my deep childhood wounds, shine bright lights into the deepest, darkest corners of my shadows, and connect in sacred, devotional connection with my path, that it all became clear: I was called to this path, I had accepted it, and in doing so, I had to dedicate and devote my life to be of service. This means that I am forever committed to doing my own inner work, so that I am able to walk the walk, and so that I can always be in pure, unadulterated service to others as they find their own medicine and become their own healers.

In my life’s work it is my role not to be the healer for anyone else, but always be in service of others on their healing paths. My role as a therapeutic mentor, guide, and facilitator is to support this journey, and to help you learn the tools to integrate all the various pieces of your being into yourself, and discover your own innate, unique medicine, so that you can live life in your most authentic, grounded truth.